If those with good intentions can cause confusion, you can imagine what happens when Satan gets involved. He does his best to exploit sexual intimacy with "distorted images of sensuality and misplaced or twisted values and expressions of sexuality" (Brotherson, pg. 2). He uses pornography and media to sensationalize and diminish one of the greatest blessings God has given to men and women--the sexual intimacy between a husband and wife. Church leaders teach and warn us to avoid temptations of the world in regard to sexual relations. Along with that, they also teach us of the sanctity, power and emotional depth of proper sexual intimacy in marriage.
Dr. Brent Barlow has taught that our sexual relationship is a spiritual stewardship and likened it to the parable of the talents. There are 3 elements that characterize a successful stewardship: Agency, Diligence, and Accountability.
We are expected to improve or enhance what we have been given. As we apply this to our sexual relationship with our spouse, we can ask ourselves the following questions:
1) Have I willingly improved its quality as a marital steward?
2) Have I avoided or ignored this aspect of my marital stewardship?
3) Have I been kind?
4) Have I sought greater light and knowledge?
5) Have I exercised patience and encouragement?
6) Have I pursued answers in faith?
I loved what Sean Brotherson's mom said about intimacy in marriage. She said, "Sometimes it was fun, sometimes it was comforting, sometimes it was romantic, sometimes it was spiritual, and sometimes it was just a willingness to love."
In my marriage, we have found that life continues to change. We have a houseful of grown children now which actually makes it harder for us to have alone time. I remember it sometimes being hard with little children who may walk in your room, but it's worse when they are older. Sometimes I feel like we are lacking in this area, but knowing that there are many different aspects of sexual relations helps me know that it's okay if every single time is not romantic, or fun. Sometimes it is just helping our spouse feel loved.
We can help our sexual relationship and fulfill our sexual stewardship best if there is a positive emotional climate in our marriage. The higher the ratio of positive to negative expressions, the more warm our emotional atmosphere is. Sexual fulfillment flourishes in an atmosphere of warmth and positive expressions toward each other. For women, we need a warm atmosphere in our marriage. Brotherson said, "A women's willingness to be intentional about sexual intimacy is directly linked with whether she is currently feeling or experiencing any ill will in the relationship" (pg. 7).
I appreciated the statement made by Brent Barlow when he said, "If the activities of the day really are so tiring that a woman has little time and energy left to develop her relationship with her husband, she or the couple together might examine her life carefully, to decide which things can be given up for the good of the most important relationship she will ever be involved in" (They Twain Shall Be One, pg. 4). It is important to keep our priorities in order, but it means a lot when the husband pitches in and helps around the house. One way a husband can improve the warmth of the marriage climate is by doing "daddywork" or "choreplay". Nothing is more irresistible to a wife than watching her husband play with their children, help them with homework, or clean up the kitchen!
The little things we contribute to our marriage relationship helps our sexuality become more meaningful and helps each spouse feel deepened love for each other. Our marriages will be blessed as we work to fulfill our sexual stewardship.
