Pride's Destructive Effects on Marriage

The previous times I've heard and read . . . and reread President Ezra Taft Benson's talk, "Beware of Pride" I did not readily apply it to marriage. This week as I applied his teachings of pride to marriage, I was stunned to learn that most, if not all, of our marriage difficulties were initiated by pride.

The following are indicators of pride that sometimes influence marriage:

• Unbridled passions, desires, and appetites
• Competitiveness/Comparisons
• Rebellion
• Hard-heartedness
• Unrepentant/Unforgiving
• Puffed up
• Easily offended
• Want others to agree with them
• Selfishness
• Contention
• Arguments, fights, abuse, unrighteous dominion, divorce
• Elevating ourselves and diminishing others
• Fear man's judgement more than God's
• Jealousy
• Faultfinding, gossiping, backbiting, murmuring, living beyond means
• Envying, coveting
• Withholding gratitude and praise

There is an antidote for pride. It is humility!! Here are some ways we can foster humility:

• Choose to be humble
• Esteem our brothers/sisters as ourselves
• Receive counsel and chastisement
• Be forgiving
• Render selfless service
• Serve a mission
• Attend the temple frequently
• Confess and forsake sins
• Submit to God's will. Put God first in our lives. Love God.

The world focuses on the importance of meeting our individual needs. It doesn't make sense to the world that sacrificing our own wants and needs would lead us to happiness. In the modern world, people are "devoted to finding happiness" but they are "seeking happiness in ways that guarantee emptiness" (Goddard, pg. 70). Jesus Christ taught that "he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it" (Matt. 10:39). 

One way this happens was demonstrated in "The Grapefruit Syndrome" where the wife sat down with her husband to discuss the problems they had with each other. She meant well and took the advice of someone she thought she could trust, but the outcome made it clear that we should not be focused on how others need to change to meet our needs. 

I liked the example of showing appreciation instead of criticism. Goddard said, "Appreciation inflates the tires on which we travel. Criticism is a slow leak in those tires" (pg. 77). The following graphic contains great advice! Shouldn't couples regularly check themselves to make sure they are "inflating" their spouse with appreciation!! 

It has been my experience that when my husband shows appreciation to me, I feel like I can accomplish anything and want to try even harder to please him. 

I love how eliminating pride, yielding to a spouse, and using humility and repentance all work together to strengthen a marriage. I was surprised how many times this week I could identify pride in my words and actions with family members. One of the easiest to fall into is being easily offended. I'm grateful for wonderful examples around me who have shown that being offended does not fix anything. This week my son was ordained an Elder. My parents were not at the church when it was time for a blessing and I thought they must have forgotten about it. After the blessing ended, my parents arrived. There had been some confusion about the time. They could have been offended and upset, but they did not show any negative expressions at all. It was a great example of what happens when families love and care about each other.