A Covenant Marriage

Many look at marriage today as a contractual partnership. Contractual couples each give 50 percent to the relationship--similar to a business partnership. They marry to obtain certain benefits and determine to stay as long as they get what they bargained for. When troubles come, contractual marriage couples find it easier to walk away.

In contrast, covenant marriages consist of a husband and wife who are willing and determined to work through difficulties. They each give 100 percent to their marriage. Elder Bruce C. Hafen said, "They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God" (Covenant Marriage, Nov. 1996 Ensign).

Covenant marriages begin in holy temples.

Just because a person marries in the temple does not mean they have to stop working toward a covenant marriage.

A young bride told her mother on her wedding day, "Mom, I'm at the end of all my troubles!" "Yes," replied the mother, "but at which end?"  

This wise mother knew that her daughter would face challenges after marriage and provided her daughter with insight. Marriage in holy temples can provide us with blessings and power to overcome those challenges.

It is important to teach this principle to our children. When I was in Young Women growing up, I remember the focus of so many lessons was obtaining a temple marriage. I'm not sure it was meant to happen, but I thought the temple marriage was the end goal and that I didn't have to worry about anything after that. Life soon proved that idea wrong. If I could go back and change what I had been taught, it would be that a temple marriage is essential to provide you with the strength, power, and blessings you will need to face the challenges in life. 

President Ezra Taft Benson promised the following blessings to those who worthily perform the ordinances in the House of the Lord:

• You will receive the spirit of Elijah, which will turn your hearts to your spouse, to your children, and to your forebears.
• You will love your family with a deeper love than you have loved before.
• Your hearts will be turned to your fathers and theirs to you.
• You will be endowed with power from on high as the Lord has promised.
• You will receive the key of the knowledge of God. (See D&C 84:19.) You will learn how you can be like Him. Even the power of godliness will be manifest to you. (See D&C 84:20.)
• You will be doing a great service to those who have passed to the other side of the veil in order that they might be “judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit.” (D&C 138:34)

Elder Bruce C. Hafen said, "Marriage is by nature a covenant, not just a private contract one may cancel at will. Jesus taught about contractual attitudes when he described the "hireling," who performs his conditional promise of care only when he receives something in return. When the hireling "seeth the wolf coming," he "leaveth the sheep, and fleeth . . . because he . . . careth not for the sheep." By contrast, the Savior said, "I am the good shepherd, . . . and I lay down my life for the sheep." Many people today are hirelings. And when the wolf comes, they flee. This idea is wrong. It curses the earth, turning parents' hearts away from their children and from each other."

Marriage is tested by 3 kinds of wolves:  natural adversity, our own imperfections, and excessive individualism. 

Natural Adversity: Examples can be death, illness, and loss of employment. 

There have been several examples of natural adversity in my life. One extremely difficult trial was when my cousin lost a little 2 year old daughter in an accident and then several years later lost three more children in a car accident. This is an artist's beautiful rendering of their children with the Savior. The family was tested beyond what could possibly be imagined. Half of their children had died. The healing process will continue--probably forever, but my cousin and his wife have stayed strong and faithful. They work together to endure each minute of every difficult day. They are amazing examples to me. It is a blessing to know that they will all be reunited someday!

Imperfections: Examples are a husband's criticism, lack of self-worth, selfishness, abuse, laziness, and pride.

Excessive Individualism: Examples could be distrust, suspicion, selfishness, inability to connect with those around us, or focusing on worldly aspirations.

The covenants we make in the temple 

can help us discover hidden reservoirs of strength.

Elder David A. Bednar said, "The adversary's attacks upon eternal marriage will continue to increase in intensity, frequency, and sophistication. Because today we are engaged in a war for the welfare of marriage and the home, in my latest reading of the Book of Mormon I paid particular attention to the ways the Nephites prepared for their battles against the Lamanites. I learned that understanding the intent of an enemy is a key prerequisite to effective preparation. We likewise should consider the intent of our enemy in this latter-day war. Given what we know about our enemy's intent, each of us should be especially vigilant in seeking personal inspiration as to how we can protect and safeguard our own marriages" (Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan).