It is often worse in marriage because we share so much--money, time, food, space, and even our bodies. As we try to work through differences and realize that we have to make changes ourselves, the natural man resists.
The scripture in Mosiah 3:19 has always been one of my favorites. I used to recite it to myself when my alarm clock went off at 5 a.m. so that I could go run each morning. I really like how H. Wallace Goddard applied it to marriage:
"For the natural (spouse) is an enemy to God (and partner), and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever."
The natural man and the enticing of the devil can make us believe that it is impossible for there to be happiness in marriage. The devil will never have a family and wants to destroy all families so we will be miserable "like unto himself". He uses stealth tactics to deceive and confuse marriage partners into believing their marriage is bad or they would be happier with someone else.
In reality, marriage is difficult.
The allegory of the manufactured home helps explain why.
A man had two friends in the manufactured-home business. When he wanted a new house, he asked each friend to send him half a house. He gave no plans. He provided no specifications on size or style. He left them to design as they would. Each friend sent a lovely half-house. When the two halves arrived, they were very different. Rooms did not line up. Utilities didn't match up. Roofs and walls did not connect.
The is a good representation of marriage. We each come from a different factory. . . or family. At the beginning we seem like we will match up perfectly, but it doesn't take very long to see that some things like traditions, expectations, assumptions and ways of life do not line up. Sometimes our differences become even more clear as time goes on. We might start to think we should leave the other half and find another one that matches better down the road. This is a mistake because we never perfectly match up with another human being.
Another example using a house is helpful in regard to marriage. C. S. Lewis used this metaphor:
Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently, He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to?
The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of--throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace.
The key is becoming Godlike. We do all we can to become the best spouse for our mate. In a world that promotes standing up for ourselves and being recognized for everything we do, it was refreshing to read the following:
It takes strength of character to see errors in a partner's grammar or perceptions and yet resist the temptation to correct needlessly. It takes godly goodness to see weakness and mistakes in our partners and yet resist the temptation to smirk. It takes heavenly humility to be proven right and yet to meekly acknowledge that we all make mistakes. It takes divine grace to discard or limit the hobbies that prevent us from helping around the house.
I was reminded this week that sometimes a characteristic that is very positive in a spouse can be the same characteristic that drives you crazy! An example of this is my husband is very uninhibited. If we ever have a problem, he is almost happy to fix it. He will make sure people do what they say they are going to do and is not afraid of confrontation at all. The negative side to this is sometimes he is not very nice. He possibly can offend others, even though he does usually handle things very calmly. Another positive trait is he is very fair and honest with others. So, when he feels he has been treated unfairly, he will try to remedy the situation. It is important to remember that in order to have the one positive characteristic, we have to accept the other things that go with it.
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